wishes

its 12:20 on a school night and all i can do is lay here and wish. wish it was june already and i was graduating. wish i could keep my life on track. wish i could sleep. but right now the wish my mind is most focused on is the wish that i could get up tomorrow and go for a run, my dog at my side. but there are some major problems with that wish, first of which is getting up. i just cant get up in the morning any more my will to actually pshysically get up and move in the morning is gone. the second problem is running, i have never just gone for a run in my life if i did it would probably irritate the muscle i pulled a couple years back or i would put my foot down weird and my ankle would hurt for hours. the third problem is i dont have a dog. never have and it feels like i never will. being able to move out of my parents house for good, into my own place seems outrageously far away. and yet all i can think about is how much i want to go running with my dog.

motivation

as i was lying here in bed the past two days, home sick from school, i thought i would work on a paper i need to finish. instead i find myself wasting time just watching tv and being on a facebook and myspace and now writing this blog. i spent a little while on the paper but got frustrated and stopped now i just cant find the motivation to continue. i often feel like this and it doesnt make any sense. i know i need to work hard and do my best at everything and i want to but...when it comes down to it i just cant get myself to do much.