wishes

its 12:20 on a school night and all i can do is lay here and wish. wish it was june already and i was graduating. wish i could keep my life on track. wish i could sleep. but right now the wish my mind is most focused on is the wish that i could get up tomorrow and go for a run, my dog at my side. but there are some major problems with that wish, first of which is getting up. i just cant get up in the morning any more my will to actually pshysically get up and move in the morning is gone. the second problem is running, i have never just gone for a run in my life if i did it would probably irritate the muscle i pulled a couple years back or i would put my foot down weird and my ankle would hurt for hours. the third problem is i dont have a dog. never have and it feels like i never will. being able to move out of my parents house for good, into my own place seems outrageously far away. and yet all i can think about is how much i want to go running with my dog.

motivation

as i was lying here in bed the past two days, home sick from school, i thought i would work on a paper i need to finish. instead i find myself wasting time just watching tv and being on a facebook and myspace and now writing this blog. i spent a little while on the paper but got frustrated and stopped now i just cant find the motivation to continue. i often feel like this and it doesnt make any sense. i know i need to work hard and do my best at everything and i want to but...when it comes down to it i just cant get myself to do much.

the puppet masters of life

when will it end? the puppet life we live. i look around at my friends and at myself and i see all the strings attatched to our bodies, and at the end of the strings there are people. parents, teachers, bosses, pastors and youth pastors. all of them holding the strings and controlling us as they please. now matter how fast we run, how hard we pull, how many strings we try to cut we are never free. no matter what we are all stuck. when will it end? when can we cut the strings? when do we have to stop dancing this dance for the puppet master? when?

scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
i cant scream outloud right now because my parents will flip, heck i can never scream outloud. so i typed it. im gonna go to bed now and hope i can sleep.

costumes and fashion trends

so part of my costume in my upcoming play is a tie. one problem i didnt know how to tie a tie. so i was telling my mom this while holding one of my dad's ties and she says 'i'll show you!' so my mom shows me how to tie a tie and i start practicing untill i get it just right. the knot and the length so i was wearing it and my favorite jacket that i always wear cuz its cozy and warm and i put the tie under my jacket collar like a you would on a shirt collar. so what do you think, is it a new trend, girls wearing their dads oddly patterned ties around their jacket collars. haha just kidding.

people.

why are we so wrapped up in eachothers lives. everyone wants to know everything about everyone else. its kinda ridiculous. like once any of my friends finds out that someone has a crush, they sudddenly must know who it is. you would think that we would learn to let people keep some things private. i know i do it too, its just a strange thing, when its you who likes someone or whatever you dont want to tell but if its someone else you have to know. just a little thought of the day for ya.

im pretty dang happy, and pretty dang pissed

so im pretty dang happy because i finally got a raise, 20 cents. not enough to make me stay if i dont get tl but enough to keep me happy for now :). im pretty dang pissed because some idiot almost hit me head on. i was driving down the road in my lane on my side of the road and this idiot turns onto the road going the opposite direction and starts driving in my lane!! i was thinking 'what are you doing?...what are you doing?...WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!??' and then i had two swerve into the other lane to avoid a head on collision!!! stupid people shouldnt be allowed to drive.